Pull yourself together...

I feel like this quote really hits home. Lately, my blog has been filled with rants and rambles. I've discussed many personal issues and struggles. Trust me, I want to post more entertaining posts. However, lately all I can do is come up with great ideas for a blog post, start typing, hit a road block and save it as a draft. I have so many drafts. I want to finish them, I just can't seem to right now.

I've mentioned many times that I don't want to be the typical "big shot" blogger. However, it is sometimes hard to feel motivated to blog when all I read are blogs about how close to perfect every blogger is. I guess that's my issue with blogging while actually dealing with life. I read posts from bloggers who will write a long post and then say something along the lines, "I sincerely apologize if this post came off too honest or personal, I did have a glass of wine prior to typing every single word." 

If you've been reading my posts recently, I wish I could say 1 single glass of wine helped me get all my thoughts out. I wish 1 glass of wine gave me the balls to hit the publish button. However, if I said that my pants would be on fire. Actually I saw this on Pinterest and I absolutely loved it.

Liquid courage exists even in blogging. Apparently, some get liquid courage just by one sip. Weird. I'm not writing this post to bad talk any blogger. I just think that many bloggers hold back because they don't want to be viewed in a negative way. I personally enjoy bloggers who let it all out. If you had one too many drinks and decide to let it all out, do your thing. You're human. You have feelings. No one has the right to judge your writing or your life. I've learned that being really open has triggered emotions in my readers that they haven't been able to be open about. 

Yes, I've had some liquid writing courage to talk about my past relationship. However, I will never publicly expose all the dirty little secrets just to top all the shit he talked about me or to make people feel bad for me. I've said the things I've said in order to get the response I did; people who were looking for someone who could understand them or to find someone they knew they could talk to.

I've had many times in the past few months that I couldn't figure out where I go from the point that I was at. When it rains it pours. Rewind my life to a year ago.. We had a plan. I was going to have the career I was dreaming of. I knew who I was going to marry, we wore our rings proud. We knew the city where we were going to settle down in and start a family. Things got out of order and everything turned around. 

I kept feeling like I hit rock bottom, then I'd hit the underground basement of rock bottom. Finally, I was at the bottom. I found comfort in knowing that things could only get better. I wasn't going to go to school for 8 more years for a career I started questioning. I wasn't going to marry a guy completely turned on me when he should of been by my side. I wasn't going to be stuck trying to make it work with someone who made me completely miserable. At that point, I pulled myself together. 

My life right now is so exciting and terrifying at the same time. There are so many new chapters that I'm opening. For once I'm doing exactly what I want. I'm no longer settling for what will make "the plan" work best. I'm no longer settling.. and guess what? I'm finally happy.